Why do you eat when you do?

Why do you eat when you do?

There are many reasons why we eat when we do, and often, they have little to do with actual hunger. Since eating is essential to life, it naturally becomes habitual - sometimes to our benefit, but other times to our detriment.

Understanding the patterns behind unhelpful eating and recognising the influences that drive them is the first step toward reshaping these habits and building a healthier relationship with food and your body.

Let’s take a look at common eating habits and what might drive them.

Autopilot mode 

Many of us eat and drink on autopilot much of the time - mindlessly and often without real awareness. This lack of mindfulness can easily lead to unhelpful eating behaviours.

Here are some examples of 'autopilot mode’ eating: (click the arrow on the right to expand each point)

• PICKING AND NIBBLING

  This is something I struggled with for years. In my teens and twenties, when I was eating very small meals and trying to restrict what I ate, I would often end up hungry, picking at food while standing in the kitchen. Somehow, these little nibbles didn’t feel the same as committing to a full meal - as if they didn’t count. But once I added up those ten slivers of cake, a small handful of this, and a nibble of that, I’d often eaten more than if I’d just allowed myself a proper meal in the first place.

  Later in life, this picking and nibbling behaviour showed up when I needed a break from my screen. It was all too easy to head to the pantry and grab a few nuts, a handful of cereal, or those chocolate crispy bites my friend left for the kids - even when I wasn’t hungry.

  Non-hungry eating happens much more when food is in sight or easy to access, which I learned when we moved house. In our old home, all our food was in two big cupboards above the kitchen counter, with no room to leave anything visible. In the new kitchen, however, I had larger counters and a couple of open shelves. To make the space look nice, I filled jars with different nuts, seeds, and dried fruit.

  Within a week, the Brazil nut jar was empty, despite our agreement to have “just two a day” because they’re so expensive. The cranberries were gone, as were the pumpkin seeds. You might be thinking, “What’s wrong with eating some nuts, seeds, and dried fruit?” And nutritionally, there isn’t a problem. But mindlessly snacking on them on top of regular meals - while waiting for the kettle to boil or chatting on the phone - wasn’t necessary. Looking beyond the expense of those Brazil nuts, we really didn’t need that extra food. 

  The message here is that there’s a big difference between MINDFULLY enjoying a handful of nuts, seeds, or dried fruit when you are hungry and you’ve consciously chosen to eat them, versus grabbing a handful here and a nibble there without it even registering.

• JUST BECAUSE

  It's very easy to eat or drink something simply because it’s ‘there’. For example, on a plane, whether hungry or not, it can be hard to turn down the seemingly “free” coffee and cookies. Then there are those “all you can eat” situations, with cooked breakfast, cold breakfast, and smoothies all included in a fixed price. It feels like you need to get your money’s worth, right?

  The reality is, there’s always a cost to frequently eating “just because it’s there” - even if it’s not financial. No one enjoys feeling uncomfortable, dealing with a sore stomach, or noticing clothes getting tighter over time.

  There will always be times when you eat even though you don’t really need or want to. That’s normal and okay. It’s only when this becomes a repeated pattern that it starts to become unhelpful.

• AVOIDING DISCOMFORT

  Sometimes, we simply can’t say “no thanks” when someone offers food or drinks. We may worry that we’ll let someone down, disappoint, or even offend them by not accepting what they’ve offered, which can feel uncomfortable.

  There are also trickier scenarios where it seems like others are undermining your efforts to make healthier choices. Maybe your partner brings home a bag of lollies just as you’re starting a new fitness programme and trying to break your evening snacking habit. Or perhaps workmates insist they can’t have a glass of wine if you’re not joining in, or a friend starts bringing in homemade custard squares right after you decide to have more nourishing snacks to work to help you focus.

  Whether intentional or not, others can sometimes add to your challenges around eating mindfully. But rather than blaming them, it’s more helpful to focus on making decisions based on what’s right for you and having strategies to manage others’ influence.

  It’s also important to remember that if someone is truly offended by you saying “no thanks” when you don’t actually need or want something, that’s their issue, not yours. As long as you say no kindly, deliver your message confidently, and move on, it shouldn’t be a problem. If you’ve always said yes to food, drinks, or late nights, people may need some time to adjust to the change. But remember, you’re not becoming someone else - you’re simply becoming a happier, healthier version of yourself.

• AVOIDING WASTE

  “Eat up. Think of all those starving children in Africa.” This is a phrase many of us can relate to - being urged to finish our plates regardless of hunger, because others around the world would be grateful to have what we had. I completely understand where this mindset came from; it’s something I discussed with my late grandma often. Having lived through the war, with ration books and limited food options, every meal felt like a gift to her, and wasting food was unimaginable.

  The challenge is that this deep-seated belief can persist in our lives, even when we have food security. Do you still find it hard to leave food on your plate?

  The truth is, we’re not helping anyone by eating more than we need when we aren’t hungry. Making a difference happens through donations, time, or other resources, not by over-eating. It’s time to change this narrative. We can serve ourselves smaller portions, save leftovers for the next day, and allow ourselves to leave food on the plate - even if it’s destined for the compost!

• REWARD

  “Eat your greens, and you can have ice cream.” “Finish your homework, and I’ll give you a lollipop.” “Sit nicely at the opticians, and I’ll buy you a treat.”

  As a parent, I see this every day, and honestly, it can feel like a nightmare. The use of food as a reward still happens in some schools and sports, and it really makes my blood boil. It’s easy to use sugary treats to encourage kids, but it quickly becomes something they start expecting.

  I’m not going to lie - I’ve been caught in this trap, too. When my three-year-old broke his arm, and I needed him to sit still for a cast, I would have done anything; the nurses’ offer of a lollipop was an easy solution. But in general, I do everything I can to avoid using food as a tool for compliance.

  If food rewards were part of your own childhood, this pattern might still influence you today. If you were rewarded with food as a child, you might find yourself reaching for a celebratory treat or a glass of bubbly after completing a project or achieving a goal. Occasionally, this is fine, but when it becomes a regular habit, it can turn into a bigger issue.

• ASSOCIATIONS

  Have you ever seen a child melting down at the supermarket checkout, begging for something from the end of the aisle? Or watched kids at the pool, wide-eyed at the ice cream freezer, trying the “Pleeeeeeease, I’ll be so helpful all afternoon” routine? If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky; but if you have, you’ll know these situations can be challenging to watch - and even tougher to experience firsthand.

  All it takes is giving in once or twice at the checkout, pool, or Mr. Whippy van at the beach for kids to start associating the activity with getting a treat. And once that association is in place, it can feel like you have to say "no" about fifty times before they stop asking. The occasional ice cream is, of course, fine. But when your child thinks that the van will be delivering the soft white peaks every day of summer, you could have a problem.

  These food-activity associations often follow us into adulthood. Do you grab a drink or snack at the petrol station? Treat yourself to something tasty for the car ride home after shopping? Bring out the bubbles when the sun is shining? When these habits start happening on autopilot rather than as conscious choices, it’s worth becoming more aware of them.

  Regularly eating or drinking things that bring five minutes of satisfaction but that you didn’t really need, want, or fully enjoy is a habit you can work on reprogramming!

• DISTRACTION

  These days, it's incredibly easy to eat mindlessly, with so many distractions around us. Whether it’s eating in front of the TV or reading emails, these distractions can make it hard to stay aware of what and how much you’re eating. When your attention is elsewhere, it’s tougher for your brain to pick up on fullness cues, which can lead to overeating.

  This doesn’t mean you have to always eat in silence or never grab a bite on the go. But by taking small steps to eat more mindfully, you might find it easier to make choices that truly satisfy you.

• TRANSITION TIMES

  As the day winds down, it’s easy to slip into autopilot mode while transitioning from one part of the day to another. Whether it’s been a tough day at work, a long day alone, or a chaotic day juggling the kids, sometimes it feels like the pantry door opens on its own, and before you know it, those chips, crackers, or other salty snacks are in your hand without you even deciding to open the packets! Evening time can also be when a glass of wine seems to pour itself without you noticing.

  As the day goes on, you become more tired, your willpower declines, and your decisions around what you eat and drink can easily become less intentional. 

Reactive response 

In addition to the many types of “autopilot mode” eating and drinking, there’s something I call a “reactive response.” This is when we eat or drink to cope with a challenging emotional state.

The terms “emotional eating” or “comfort eating” are often used, but to me, they evoke clichés - like the image of someone eating a tub of ice cream after a breakup (hello, Bridget Jones’s Diary). But reactive response eating goes far beyond that. It’s not just about dealing with sadness by “drowning your sorrows.” People may also turn to food or drink in response to loneliness, anger, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety, or even fatigue. Ironically, instead of bringing comfort, this type of eating often makes us feel worse. In many cases, it can feel more like self-punishment than self-support.

Some reactive response eating and drinking is normal. It’s only when it becomes a frequent pattern that starts impacting your life and relationships that it signals a need for change.

In my own experience, after years of dieting and restriction, I turned to food and alcohol to cope with difficult emotions. I remember this vividly from my university days. Rejection was a big trigger for me. A hint of conflict with friends or a tense moment with my boyfriend would send me straight to the kitchen, eating dry cereal out of the box, slicing cheese I didn’t even like, or tearing off tiny pieces of malt loaf until I’d finished it all - and opened another.

Alcohol was a struggle, too. It was my first go-to when I felt stressed or overwhelmed. This habit became too frequent, and I carried a lot of shame about it.

If you relate to this, know that you’re not “bad” or “ridiculous.” You’ve simply learned to use food and drink for a purpose they weren’t meant to serve - just as I did.

The good news is that now you’re aware, like me, you can start to make changes.